25.7.09

Thoughts on loneliness

A failure complex, social awkwardness, repulsion.

I keep everyone at arm's length, mostly. This appears to intrigue some. Occasionally after much observation and thought, I allow myself closer to an individual. Soon after (very soon) they become seemingly disenchanted with me, perhaps some mystery is lost? Should I assume myself to be repulsive to others when I open up to them? I fear there is nothing of value beyond whatever exterior appeal I may possess, nothing worth pursuing further knowledge or understanding of.

Trapped in a perpetual cycle of loneliness, I always feel like an outsider.
I feel deserving of appreciation, even love. I care so deeply for others and try to show it as often as possible. I see so much good in everyone, so much uniqueness in people that I want to investigate and understand. The interest is rarely reciprocated.

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